"it" just moved
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Randomize
