The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I think people are normalizing furries
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
