hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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