There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize