I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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