There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
