Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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