Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
