Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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