dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
