I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
