I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
