I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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