so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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