When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
