she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
