Me. At least after what I've been through.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
