Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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