my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I looked at my own cervix.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
