That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
