She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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