when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
