omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
