Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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