last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It was like giving head to a cactus.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize