Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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