I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
