last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
