Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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