in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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