I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
