On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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