Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
