Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
