I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
