real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize