he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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