There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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