New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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