Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
