I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
