Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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