no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
