I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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