so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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