so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize