i think i have two assholes
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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