Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
