oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
