carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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