I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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