the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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