is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
