Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
