I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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