His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
