the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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