why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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