She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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