every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
worst night to have a conscience
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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