Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
