Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
