Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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