thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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