You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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