I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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