Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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