My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
