He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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