all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
