I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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