His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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