i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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