i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
