Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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