It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
