she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize