Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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