I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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