My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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