Little spoons don't ask big questions
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
