How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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