I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
