Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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