grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
