They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
