Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
