you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
